you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
