If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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