You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize