Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
