on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
