It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
