I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize