I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
