he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
now i know why i became what i already was.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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