I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
