I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
