You're my little dorito
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
