You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
