Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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