you win again, gameday.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
