there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
