im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
