it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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