i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
