who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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