I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
