So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize