Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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