I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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