I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
