Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
