He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
