Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize