How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
