Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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