I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
