Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
