I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
