So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
