I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
