trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
