Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize