Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
