i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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