adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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