Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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