your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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