Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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