I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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