....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
