and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
