I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
