Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
