I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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