I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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