just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
