The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
