how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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