bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
