WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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