I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
