O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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