I CAN MOONWALK!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
