Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
