what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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