dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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