the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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