They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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