I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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