I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
