chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
