I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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