I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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