This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
