I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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