idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
