You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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