It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
