Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
