just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
