Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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