Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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