is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
