I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize