come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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