i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
