He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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