So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
