going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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