I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
third nipple confirmed
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
