I wannas sexs uuuuu
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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