i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize