Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
