3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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