you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize