I just pynch a tree in the face
her vagine was all disorganized.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
NoShamevember. You game?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
