I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize