i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
