when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
