ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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