so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
