neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
