I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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