he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Panties = found
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