i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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