I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I will pee on everything he values.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
