i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
