yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
