I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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