I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
