the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I am in a vortex of obligation.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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