The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
