Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
