Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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