Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
