Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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