I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
