"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize