I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
