the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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